I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
