I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
