normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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