Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
