Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
