Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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