Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
