tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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