i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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