Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
