so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
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our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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