i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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