Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
