Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
