he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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