You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
