Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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