Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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