i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
