I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
