We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
