In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize