how can u be prego again
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
