All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
