it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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