Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
