My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
