I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
