Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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