you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
