Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
