On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
