Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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