dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
