I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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