You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
