Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
