You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
