I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
