God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
two words...techno handjob
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
