Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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