He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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