The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
