I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
