like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
