im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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