This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it glows. i had to have it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
