I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
