she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
