The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
