her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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