It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
