i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
