We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
