Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
they're like a gay fantastic four
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
