I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
