Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
