No, drunk sperm still make babies.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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