we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
