Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
