I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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