i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
