you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
