i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
