Can i not drive my cunt home
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
