I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
