I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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