I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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