God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
