Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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