i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
