I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
