I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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