Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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