This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
